'Til Death Do Us Part

When I met my husband Monroe, it was not love at first sight. More like second sight. However, the second look revealed the person with whom I would live until death parted us. It also revealed a man of character, one who deeply loved his God, his family and his community. Based on those values, our relationship and our love for each other began to grow, and we married after a nine-month courtship.

From the very beginning, we were a team. We worked hard to understand each other's weaknesses and strengths. For example, my husband grew up shy and did not like being embarrassed; I made it part of my daily business to help him grow in this area and to protect him until he could master his shyness. He, in turn, recognized my weaknesses and spent time helping me grow.

When you marry, you feel that the two of you can conquer the world. You feel as though your spouse can do no wrong. I felt that my husband really could swim the deep blue sea for me. For the 42 years that we were married, I protected that by not diminishing my husband's manhood with words that could destroy the relationship, and he respected my womanhood in the same way. We tried to resolve any differences as soon as possible, even when it called for seeking advice from our pastor. We availed ourselves of marriage and family seminars, and we went on a yearly retreat.

Children are an important piece of a happy family. However, it is also important for mom and dad to make time for each other. When parents have a satisfying and stable relationship, their children benefit. Mothers and fathers who support and encourage each other are more likely to be sensitive and effective parents.

Positive parenting, in turn, improves children's brain development. Being held, talked to, read to and played with gives a baby's brain the stimulation it needs to reach its potential. Research shows that even during the first years of life, having two warm and responsive parents is important for mental and emotional development. A strong marriage promotes your child's well-being.

Almost every marriage has its tests and trials. Ours did. After the birth of our second healthy baby, I had a miscarriage, a tubal pregnancy and a stillborn. Those were the hardest days of our marriage. I was in a mental stupor that caused my husband to have to take care of almost everything. This pressure was almost more than the two of us could bear.

However, because of our commitment to each other and to the vows of marriage, we were able to conquer those tough times. We came back stronger than ever and went on to have more children and take pleasure in the joy that comes with a family.

Even in death, we found that our love for each other endured. Eight years prior to my husband's passing, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. We learned that it was terminal, but we celebrated our good times and knew our enduring love would get us through the hard times. We found a whole new level of trust in each other -- one that took us through the darkest days and endured through all facets of life.

For those of you who may be embarking on marriage, remember what is important: your love for each other. Developing a strong, loving relationship is hard work and requires respect. Let whatever you do when your spouse is away be what you would do if he were present. Surprises in a marriage almost always cause conflict. Going against what you have agreed upon together may start a downward spiral and put your marriage on the slippery slope toward divorce.

At the same time, it is important to keep your marriage fresh by looking for new ways to make each other happy. Candy, flowers and gifts should never be taken for granted. These are part of the romantic side of marriage. Remember to do something out of the ordinary for your spouse once in a while, and you will see that it continues to open more avenues for love. By doing this, you will have years of happiness that you never dreamed of.

'Until death does us part' gives a couple a whole lifetime to build an enduring marriage that will become part of your legacy -- one that will live forever.

JoeAnn Ballard was the founding director of the Neighborhood Christian Center.

Originally appeared in The Commercial Appeal.