Don't Lose Children in Crush, Rush of Holidays

I remember the "good ol' days" when I knew Thanksgiving was coming because the stores were putting out Thanksgiving decorations in November. We all know those days are long gone; if you are like I was last year, you may have found yourself setting up your Christmas decorations in October!

I have good reasons for doing things early. I can breathe a sigh of relief because, with Christmas decorations displayed so early, our children can see them early in the morning and before bedtime from early in November all the way up until Christmas. And I get to do the dinner parties and umpteen other engagements feeling proud because I've gotten all of that "stuff" done.

I've made my list and I've checked it twice, but what have I really done?

What I have done is double my anxiety and share it with my children -- all to create what I think are memories for my children and our family. I've not just added stress to my life, but, more significantly, I've added stress to theirs. When a parent's stress leads to insensitive or harsh parenting, it can affect a child's well-being. Over time, high levels of stress can even interfere with young children's brain development.

Sure, there are some things you just have to do during the holiday season, but you do not have to try to do it all. And how does all that "doing" affect those around you -- especially your very young children?

My father used to always say "know your business" and "learn to be at home." As a child, I would often think, "I want to go with my friends. I need to go to the mall. This person needs me to help her. That person needs me to do this or that." As I have matured, I have learned that it is imperative that I simplify my life, just as my father advised. I need to do what is absolutely necessary and take the time to be at home -- nurturing the children I have been entrusted to raise with my husband.

While the holiday season calls for us to ramp up our activity, it is not the time to diminish our focus on what is most important as parents -- our children and their well-being, and their cognitive, social and emotional development. When planning to entertain others, we must include time for our children even while we are fulfilling obligations to others.

At my house, we're counting down the days until our children are out of school, when we can all take a break from the homework and the carpool line, and all the other duties and responsibilities parents have when school is in session. While it is true that we do get a break during the holidays, it does not mean that we can put our parental responsibilities on hold altogether.

Fond memories, positive character development and strong ethics cannot be planted in a child when the one expected to plant these characteristics is always gone or busily rushing about. This is true even if most of us well-meaning parents are rushing about and overdoing only because we want the "best" for our children.

I've learned that what my children need most -- and really like best -- is when I take my tired body outside and jump with them on the trampoline, talk with them about what they learned that day or determine what kind of clouds we are seeing in the sky. When I'm in the car, I make a conscious decision to turn off the radio and have my child read a book out loud or call out one spelling word at each stoplight.

When you are at home, learn to enjoy watching a child-friendly television program. Then turn the television off and read together or play a game.

It takes determination, practice and discipline to adopt behaviors that will better serve our children. Our children cannot be expected to look out for themselves. From the time a child is conceived to the day he graduates from high school -- or even college -- we, as his parents, must be proactive in guiding him into a healthy and satisfying adulthood. Continuing to stay focused on our children -- and keeping them focused during the breaks and holidays of life -- will aid in preparing them to be good parents themselves. This, in turn, will create a more focused and productive generation to come.

Ephie Johnson is president and CEO of the Neighborhood Christian Center.

This is one in a series of monthly guest columns on the importance of public/private investment in early childhood. For more information, call The Urban Child Institute at (901) 385-4233 or visit www.theurbanchildinstitute.org.

This article was originally published by The Commercial Appeal at http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2011/nov/13/guest-column-dont-lose-children-in-crush-rush-of/